blessedchick

My Grandad

2008-03-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

In loving memory of

Peter Harvey Jamieson

18 December 1921 - 10 March 2008

To my Grandad

I thank you for always being there,

and helping me out everytime we needed it.

If not for you we could not have got through the last 6 years.

I thank you for being the closest person to a father that i have ever known,

I am sorry I could never tell you that i loved you while you were alive,

I am sorry i never got to say goodbye properly

I love you Grandad

rest in peace

all my love

Rebecca Margaret

2007-09-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

2007-04-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

Well this has been a very hard weekend for me.
It started off 9.00 o'clock Friday morning, i went to my grandparents house to start clearing it out. (cos my grandad has sold the house and is moving into a rest home.) My grandad was watching everything i did like a hawk commenting as only he can about everything. so i decided to go somewhere he wasn't so i went into the front bedroom and opened the cupboard and found that everything in that cupboard was left the way my Nana had left it, and everything in there reminded me of her, i had to get out so i went upstairs and started cleaning out there. I was glad that one of my friends asked me out for lunch that day just to get away from the place.
Saturday started by watching a game of soccer and seeing a bunch of people get extremely wet.
I arrived at my grandparents house at about 12.30 and already the whole family was on edge cos my grandad was getting wound up. He told us off for throwing everything out, including an electric blanket that had scorch marks all over it.
We filled up his garage with stuff to sell and two massive skips and to be honest there is still lots of crap to go.
By the end of the night everyone had had enough, and most of the family got into the plonk to calm the nerves after a day with Harvey (my Grandad).
Sunday started very early with a garage sale, we opened the doors at eight and had about 7 guys run up the drive at us.
I decided to go to church and when i got there Aaron Stewart was talking on how we collect so my crap and we no use for it really. and its so true the amount of stuff we through out and sold, to be honest there is no need for any of it really.
The day ended with everything being sold and Grandad in a fowl mood. to cut alone story short he lost the plot and went mental at all the woman to the point where my mother and i just walked off and left. I burst into to tears cos he's such a nasty man, so horrible.
I went to visit a friend, i just had to get away from family of anything that resembled them.
Later that night i lost it, i was in the shower and i started crying and i couldn't stop to the point where i was on the floor of the shower in a ball hysterically crying. After about half an hour Warwick finally came in to see if i was alright. He turned the water off and picked me up off the floor, dried me and dressed me, all while i was still crying. I was crying for my Nana. she has been dead for 9 months and that was the first time i have cried for her. The first time i allowed myself to grieve. When i eventually stopped crying i felt so much better. like i had been released.
I feel like i am a different person. its weird

2007-04-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

Well my last 2 weeks have been very busy. Last weekend was Easter camp, I helped with night shift security. The camp had a very different atmosphere this year. There weren't as many people causing havoc as usual the message in the meetings was real and the music had a very different effect on people. People didn't leave the camp with the typical hype, What was said was real and there was no denying it. It seemed to stick with people, it was a really awesome camp in that respect.
In the Opawa youth group there was some great bonding time and most people got on really well together. There were a couple of really disappointing incidents that i just wont go into.
But other than those the camp on a whole was a success.
Great catching up with people i hadn't seen for a while as well.
A weekend with little sleep from 6 on Thursday morn till 8 Monday night i had 13 hours sleep and surprisingly i was still functioning.
Then on Tuesday i had work, so without a day off from Easter camp i have done 7 days work which is 46.75 hours as well as being a full time mum.
Today is my first day off and i am just relaxing.
My full time shifts finished this week and i am back to part time work, which i am very pleased about cos it was just taking everything out of me and i was no good for my kids.

25

2007-03-19T18:34:00.000-07:00

On sunday i turned 25.
I had a great weekend spent with people that mean much to me, I got some awesome presents, thanks guys.
I also went to watch the sunrise on sunday morning, but it was hidden by the clouds.
It made me realise that i have some really great friends, that do funny little things for me to cheer me up. you guys rock and i am pretty sure you know who you are.
Thank you to all who helped make this one of my most enjoyable birthdays yet

Note to self

2007-02-04T13:19:00.000-08:00

Don't eat chocolate covered coffee beans after 10pm, its just not worth it.

2007-02-03T06:25:00.000-08:00

I have never felt as lost as i do at the moment.
I have always been a person that knows what i want and how to get it.
and in most cases i have got what i wanted.
But everything is a blur at the moment, in every aspect of my life
I don't know what i want to do, i don't know where i am supposed to be.
I am so confused
I need direction
BTW: its 3.30 on sunday morning and i need sleep, lack of sleep might have something to do with the cloudyness
but i cant sleep cos its a scary thing to watch somebody die.
strange
blah blah blah

death

2007-02-03T05:55:00.000-08:00

Today i arrived at work to hear one of my favourite residents passed away in the morning.
I new she was sick, but was not expecting it to be so soon. This lady was a dementia resident who was over in the amber wing with me when i worked there and she followed me to hospital. So i have been a carer of her for 3 years. She was lovely and beautiful person and i will miss her.

As i went about my job today, one of the other carers asked me to help her with a resident. (This resident was also very sick) As we were doing her cares this lady looked not good, then all of a sudden her breathing changed, We left the room and got the RN and we tidied up the room, then all the staff that was on duty sat by her and spoke to her as she quietly slipped away.
I was so pleased she was not alone. I would hate that.

The first time i had ever seen a dead body was my Nana. This lady died the same way and it is the first time i have ever seen somebody die.
I don't quite know how i feel, a bit shaken, sad.

Death is such a strange thing, a person that has always been there is gone. How are you supposed to deal with that.
is there any special way to move on, or i don't know

To be completely honest i have not dealt with the death of my Nana yet, for one i don't know how and 2, everyone who is close to me ran away until they thought i had dealt with it so they didn't have to be there for me.
My family doesn't talk about things
so i am just left hanging, wondering what to do
how to deal with anything really.

Something to think about

2007-01-13T15:59:00.000-08:00

Is anyone ever truly 100% happy and if so how long are they happy before their world comes crashing down around them?

The new year seems to bring much of the same, working, looking after children and yeah more working, it feels as though it never stops.
I sometimes wish that I could just jump on a plane and go away for a while just me, no work, no kids and no worries. Leave all the things behind like money issues and everything else, and just enjoy myself and not have to worry about looking after other people and just worry about me.

Ah but dreams are free!

Another thing, is anyone ever satisfied with what they have or are we always wanting more.
More money, more clothes, more trips over seas, more children......
And if we were satisfied with what we have and don't want more, would we be happier people? Is it the wanting more that makes us unhappy or unsatisfied?
Or are they just excuses so that we have a reason not to be happy?
Are people scared to be truly happy?
Cos that means that they have nothing to complain about and oh no they wont get any attention that way.

In search of sunshine

2007-01-02T00:15:00.000-08:00

Woke up on Saturday to a cold rainy and miserable day. For once I had no work on Saturday and neither did some of my friends.
two words
road trip
so we took to cars and went on a mission to find sunshine
and we succeeded we ended up in Greymouth and it was beautiful
we had pizza on the beach and enjoyed the sunshine until we had to leave
and come home to a cold and damp Christchurch.
It was great to get out of the city and see the beautiful scenery through the Arthurs pass, the water falls and shadows on the trees.
well worth the trip.
cant wait till me next weekend off and the next road trip.

2007-01-01T15:59:00.000-08:00

Life has been busy, I have my old job back at St Ives but this time i am working in the hospital wing and loving it but i am working 4 days on 2 days off so it means i am never home to bath, feed and put my kids to bed and I miss out on so much of them. But what else can you do when you need money.

I had a good but quiet Christmas spending the morning with some freinds then had tea with the family. It was the first Christmas without my Nana and she wasn't mentioned. I think it is still a sore point for alot of my family. I miss her so much.
New years was spent watching the most amazing sunset, gettin the car stuck in the sand, going to the square, then losing the plot at a park and throwing a guy in to the garden. All in all a great night.

To be honest i don't know what i want out of 2007 but i have a few issues to work through

2006-12-05T13:21:00.000-08:00

Georgia started crawling on sunday
she is getting into all Lyssa's toys and driving her mad

Fireworks

2006-11-05T19:37:00.000-08:00

Saturday night Warwick and I had a BBQ and some fireworks, it was a very good night. !1st of all everyone was late because the Aranui New World had just closed down that day and everyone went there to get some stuff on the way, they all had to turn around and go back to the countdown, never mind.
The fire works display was pretty awesome we only had one injury and that was Warwick. My friend who shall remain name less lit a firework and it went mental and shot in all directions, including hitting Warwick. It got stuck between his shoe and sock and burnt his ankle very badly. So poor old Warwick was walking around with only 1 shoe on for the rest of the night.
Then we came to a packet of strobe lights and we had 2 people that did some awesome dancing for us, those people shall also remain nameless, DEBBIE AND MARK.

Sunday night we went to the beach to see the fireworks and that was an awesome display.

On a different note

Georgia got her 1st tooth today, Yay

and

Alyssa has a hearing test on Wednesday afternoon, So if anyone reads this before we go could you please pray that Alyssa would understand what she is suppose to do so we can get a accurate idea of what's up, and that she doesn't freak out.

Alyssa

2006-10-30T18:47:00.000-08:00

I sometimes wish that when Alyssa is around rather than people rolling their eyes at her actions or how I am trying to deal with it. Offer help, say do you want me to keep an eye on Georgia while you deal to this. Or is there anything I can help you with.
Don't bag me out, I am doing my best in a sometimes very hard situation.
Be a support, don't tell me I'm wrong all the time, but offer suggestions on how to do it better.
I love my daughter very much but sometimes I just don't know what to do.

2006-10-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

In the last few days I feel that I am coming out of my shell. I have been able to have fun and be just who I am. There are still things stopping me from moving completely forward but I have and am still working on it. Its been nice to let go and have fun.

Georgia is thriving on the bottle. She is so much happier and more energetic. I have had no pain or discomfort giving up breast feeding so I obviously wasn't producing much.

Bottles

2006-10-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

I have had to give in to breast feeding. Georgia just wasn't getting enough nourishment from me. Her fontenelle was sunken and she was always hungry. So I started her on bottle feeding yesterday and even though she had had a full breast feed she drank 250ml of formula.
is it admitting defeat? I think it hard to let go as a parent and know that you can't do it on your own. But for the health of my beautiful little girl I had to bite the bullet.

hmmmm

2006-10-22T22:06:00.000-07:00

Lately there are quite a few things I have been battling with, such as trying to find out the real me. I wouldn't say that I am there but this week I think I have had a break through. I feel I have made some new friends and discovered how to have fun again.

Also this week I found out I have a passion for something that I didn't even realise I did until I started talking about it.

I also really enjoy helping people

all of these things may seem small but have really helped me to realise the Rebecca I am.
I am tired of being shy and quiet cos that is not who I am and I am making excuses not to do things that I know God is calling me to do

Thank you Lord for waking me up from this inactive life and putting a fire under me to burn for you Amen.

2006-09-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

I have been very sick over the past week. I have had a temperature that was 39.7deg C, very tied, dizzy, thumping head ache the list goes on. I'm still not 100% on top of my game.

Warwick looked after the girls for me while I was sick, which I am very grateful for.
Cos I hadn't eaten all week Georgia had to resort to a bottle to get any nutrition.
This morning I got up and looked around the house and thought is this what my house would look like if Warwick was an at home dad. Don't get me wrong I very much appreciate him for looking after the girls but its the things that a mother does that guys just don't think about.

For starters
He got the girls dressed in the mornings. This is good but the clothes he put them in never matched, and my poor Lyssa went for 4 days without having her hair brushed once. So she had a blond very frizzy afro on her head.
When giving babies a cruskit and it is wise to use a bib, once they have finished it you should wash them down before putting them in bed so baby does not stick to the sheets.

Just things like that, it could also be our personality's, I pay attention to detail where as I don't think Warwick knows what detail is.

thank you honey for looking after the children.

Searching

2006-09-04T15:24:00.000-07:00

At the moment I am searching for answers to so many questions. Just where I fit, where Alyssa is going to go to school, and a few more, I am also fighting with insecurities of my own.
I suppose I am just wanting some conformation on some things so I don't feel quite so in the air, I like to be grounded.

There was a very interesting question that we stumbled across in my cell group last night, that caused a very long debate.

Q: Many Christians think that the more they know about God and the more active they are for him, the less they'll be tempted?

Why is caused such a discussion is this, In the prayer of Jabez it says "oh lord keep me from evil"
Now does this mean God will keep you from evil or keep you safe while going through evil. Because it is going through the hard times and temptations that make us grow as Christians, but is it limiting God to say that God won't keep these things away from us.

I have my opinion but its an interesting thought point.

Oops

2006-08-29T13:49:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday I did the thing that is dreaded by all mothers. I locked my baby in the car.
Very silly I know but it was just so easily done.
What happened was my car has a push button to lock and unlock the car, the car relocks it self if a door isn't opened within about 30secs. Georgia's door doesn't seem to register when it opens cos if I dont open any other door in the car it locks again. The light doesn't even turn on when you open this door.
So I unlocked the car opened Georgia's door, as I did this Alyssa opened the gate and let the dog out. I put Georgia in the car seat (I didn't even do up her seat belt) gave her the keys to play with, shut the door and proceded to chase after the dog, when I got back to the car the door was locked and Georgia was happily sitting in her car seat sucking on my keys.
I went next door and rung my mother, when mum arrived I rung Warwick, and luckily he was being lead astray by another youth leader, bunking his class. Mum dropped Lyssa off at kindy as I was waiting patiently for Warwick to arrive Georgia fell asleep in the car. Next thing I can hear this car being absolutly screwed around the corner and then it appeared up my driveway.
Thank you Amy for bring Warwick home so quickly.
The funny thing was Warwick never takes his house keys with him but yesterday he did. Cos the spare car key was inside, the spare house key was on the car key ring and my house keys were in the car as well.
Praise God Warwick took his keys with him.
Just to clarify I was locked out of the car and the house.

2006-08-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I had my ladies group, we were doing the prayer of jabez. Last night I thought it was really good and we got a good discussion going. It was about the difference between being spirit filled and having the anoyting or the power of the spirit. Not that I actually believed it but I have been told quite often that I don't have the Holy Spirit because I can't speak in tongues. Yet when you ask Jesus into your heart you invite the Holy spirit in as well and you become spirit filled. But the power of the holy spirit comes on you for a reason or a season. I you were anointed by the holy spirit all the time we would pass out with exhaustion. Anyway I found it good, that sort of fellowship is what my spirit has been longing for. I don'e feel so dry anymore.

Yesterday I met this beautiful we girl, she was almost 2 and she had something wrong with her where she had no control over her muscles. She couldn't sit up let alone walk or talk. She was so beautiful, today she is going in for an operation (I don;t know what for) but she isn't expected to live till the age of 3. My heart cried for this wee girl and she is on my heart to pray for. I believe God has a plan for this wee girl, bigger than what she is now, where I feel God is going to work with her and do something great.

Warwick's mother is not a very nice person, she has four children and only 1 still talks to her. Warwick hasn't talked to her in 7 years.
I am worried for Warwick as it has taken so long to get all of her crap out of him, and I am scared old Warwick will come back with her influence and I do not like old Warwick.
My thought is will her influence rub off on him again cos it can be easy to revert to old ways, or has God strengthened him enough to still be nice Warwick and not change.

2006-08-17T16:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I am going an a "ladies advance" (they call it that because we want to advance in God no retreat) with my cell group from my old church. I am very much looking forward to it. The last time I went away with these ladies Alyssa was only 4 months old. I have been going back to my old cell group for about a month and it has been nice doing in depth bible studies as a group and being able to share in a loving environment, and I have really missed that while being at Opawa.
Also before my Nana died I asked them to pray for her, because I knew that she was holding on to something and she needed to let go.
One of the ladies came up to me on Monday and said that God had woken her up in the middle of the night to pray for my Nana. She said there was unfinished business or an unfinished thought, but she felt that she had prayed my Nana through it, and I was the next morning that she died.
It gave me a sense of peace and closer to hear that.

My little Georgia is sitting up now and eating solids, very exciting
and my Lyssa can now ride her bike
I am very proud of both my girls

Be patient

2006-08-07T14:38:00.000-07:00

When I was a teenager I used to carry around a little card in my wallet that said "Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet"
I have started going back to my ladies cell group at my old church, and I am really enjoying doing in depth bible studies with other woman.
At the moment we are doing the prayer of Jabez bible study about expanding territory.
I felt God place on my heart that I was going to start something, I don't know what or where but something.
I felt though God and I had a lot bit of work to do on sorting me out first (my hard heart)
Once I experience the true freedom that can only come from God, and with Gods help I can expand my territory for God

Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet.

Reflection

2006-08-06T13:50:00.000-07:00

Over the past two weeks I have been struggling with a lot of stuff. Looking back I was ready and excepted the woman in the bed to die, but I didn't count on the connection would be made again. What I mean is I had separated my Nana and this woman lying in the bed for a long time, but when she died the two were brought back together and all the memories and everything came flooding back, it was like losing her all over again.
So I was left with this huge range of emotions not knowing what to do with them or how to deal with them.
I felt as though I had a door close in my heart to God and everyone around me. I felt as though I needed a shoulder to cry on but there were none around that were my size, and there were people saying "well you must have known she was going to die" and that made me think is it wrong for me to cry.
I felt that I was hurting but I wasn't aloud to show it, "you have to be strong for your kids" don't let them see you upset"
This leads to my next question, why? why not let them see it. Is grieving a thing that is frowned upon in New Zealand?
This is the first person close to me that has died and I just don't know where to put myself, I feel lost.

Anyway on Sunday the sermonettes that were spoken were on Elizabeth and Mary. And the relationship of an older and younger woman, and even though the difference in age they both looked up to each other.
I was talking to someone after church and she said it was her dream that one day there will be an Elizabeth for every Mary in Opawa.
And is it that there are many other young woman crying out for an Elizabeth to share some of there them wisdom and encouragement with them.
And are there many experienced woman with the longing to share some of there wisdom and encouragement to Mary's.
Is there a need for a group/place where you can go and be real about yourself and not be judged or frowned upon but have a love and understanding that only a sister in Christ could give. Someone to sit with you when life is crashing down.
Thoughts to ponder and pray about.

2006-07-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

The funeral was a nice service, 5 out of 7 grandchildren were there and we carried her coffin out along with her God son. I know Nana would have liked that cos her favourite thing in the world was her grandchildren.
There is a story of when my Aunty was pregnant with her first child, she was dragged along to the CWI in Dunedin (where my nana was president) to Grandma's night. My nana was so desperate to go to grandma's night she took along a pregnant woman.
Her life revolved around her family and think she would be pleased to see so many of her family at her funeral.

The day before she died I had a dream that I was driving in a car with my Nana in the passenger seat and she had her memory restored to her and she knew who we all were, all the family and she said she was proud of us, and that was very nice.