blessedchick

My Grandad

2008-03-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

In loving memory of

Peter Harvey Jamieson

18 December 1921 - 10 March 2008

To my Grandad

I thank you for always being there,

and helping me out everytime we needed it.

If not for you we could not have got through the last 6 years.

I thank you for being the closest person to a father that i have ever known,

I am sorry I could never tell you that i loved you while you were alive,

I am sorry i never got to say goodbye properly

I love you Grandad

rest in peace

all my love

Rebecca Margaret

2007-09-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

2007-04-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

Well this has been a very hard weekend for me.
It started off 9.00 o'clock Friday morning, i went to my grandparents house to start clearing it out. (cos my grandad has sold the house and is moving into a rest home.) My grandad was watching everything i did like a hawk commenting as only he can about everything. so i decided to go somewhere he wasn't so i went into the front bedroom and opened the cupboard and found that everything in that cupboard was left the way my Nana had left it, and everything in there reminded me of her, i had to get out so i went upstairs and started cleaning out there. I was glad that one of my friends asked me out for lunch that day just to get away from the place.
Saturday started by watching a game of soccer and seeing a bunch of people get extremely wet.
I arrived at my grandparents house at about 12.30 and already the whole family was on edge cos my grandad was getting wound up. He told us off for throwing everything out, including an electric blanket that had scorch marks all over it.
We filled up his garage with stuff to sell and two massive skips and to be honest there is still lots of crap to go.
By the end of the night everyone had had enough, and most of the family got into the plonk to calm the nerves after a day with Harvey (my Grandad).
Sunday started very early with a garage sale, we opened the doors at eight and had about 7 guys run up the drive at us.
I decided to go to church and when i got there Aaron Stewart was talking on how we collect so my crap and we no use for it really. and its so true the amount of stuff we through out and sold, to be honest there is no need for any of it really.
The day ended with everything being sold and Grandad in a fowl mood. to cut alone story short he lost the plot and went mental at all the woman to the point where my mother and i just walked off and left. I burst into to tears cos he's such a nasty man, so horrible.
I went to visit a friend, i just had to get away from family of anything that resembled them.
Later that night i lost it, i was in the shower and i started crying and i couldn't stop to the point where i was on the floor of the shower in a ball hysterically crying. After about half an hour Warwick finally came in to see if i was alright. He turned the water off and picked me up off the floor, dried me and dressed me, all while i was still crying. I was crying for my Nana. she has been dead for 9 months and that was the first time i have cried for her. The first time i allowed myself to grieve. When i eventually stopped crying i felt so much better. like i had been released.
I feel like i am a different person. its weird

2007-04-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

Well my last 2 weeks have been very busy. Last weekend was Easter camp, I helped with night shift security. The camp had a very different atmosphere this year. There weren't as many people causing havoc as usual the message in the meetings was real and the music had a very different effect on people. People didn't leave the camp with the typical hype, What was said was real and there was no denying it. It seemed to stick with people, it was a really awesome camp in that respect.
In the Opawa youth group there was some great bonding time and most people got on really well together. There were a couple of really disappointing incidents that i just wont go into.
But other than those the camp on a whole was a success.
Great catching up with people i hadn't seen for a while as well.
A weekend with little sleep from 6 on Thursday morn till 8 Monday night i had 13 hours sleep and surprisingly i was still functioning.
Then on Tuesday i had work, so without a day off from Easter camp i have done 7 days work which is 46.75 hours as well as being a full time mum.
Today is my first day off and i am just relaxing.
My full time shifts finished this week and i am back to part time work, which i am very pleased about cos it was just taking everything out of me and i was no good for my kids.

25

2007-03-19T18:34:00.000-07:00

On sunday i turned 25.
I had a great weekend spent with people that mean much to me, I got some awesome presents, thanks guys.
I also went to watch the sunrise on sunday morning, but it was hidden by the clouds.
It made me realise that i have some really great friends, that do funny little things for me to cheer me up. you guys rock and i am pretty sure you know who you are.
Thank you to all who helped make this one of my most enjoyable birthdays yet

Note to self

2007-02-04T13:19:00.000-08:00

Don't eat chocolate covered coffee beans after 10pm, its just not worth it.

2007-02-03T06:25:00.000-08:00

I have never felt as lost as i do at the moment.
I have always been a person that knows what i want and how to get it.
and in most cases i have got what i wanted.
But everything is a blur at the moment, in every aspect of my life
I don't know what i want to do, i don't know where i am supposed to be.
I am so confused
I need direction
BTW: its 3.30 on sunday morning and i need sleep, lack of sleep might have something to do with the cloudyness
but i cant sleep cos its a scary thing to watch somebody die.
strange
blah blah blah

death

2007-02-03T05:55:00.000-08:00

Today i arrived at work to hear one of my favourite residents passed away in the morning.
I new she was sick, but was not expecting it to be so soon. This lady was a dementia resident who was over in the amber wing with me when i worked there and she followed me to hospital. So i have been a carer of her for 3 years. She was lovely and beautiful person and i will miss her.

As i went about my job today, one of the other carers asked me to help her with a resident. (This resident was also very sick) As we were doing her cares this lady looked not good, then all of a sudden her breathing changed, We left the room and got the RN and we tidied up the room, then all the staff that was on duty sat by her and spoke to her as she quietly slipped away.
I was so pleased she was not alone. I would hate that.

The first time i had ever seen a dead body was my Nana. This lady died the same way and it is the first time i have ever seen somebody die.
I don't quite know how i feel, a bit shaken, sad.

Death is such a strange thing, a person that has always been there is gone. How are you supposed to deal with that.
is there any special way to move on, or i don't know

To be completely honest i have not dealt with the death of my Nana yet, for one i don't know how and 2, everyone who is close to me ran away until they thought i had dealt with it so they didn't have to be there for me.
My family doesn't talk about things
so i am just left hanging, wondering what to do
how to deal with anything really.

Something to think about

2007-01-13T15:59:00.000-08:00

Is anyone ever truly 100% happy and if so how long are they happy before their world comes crashing down around them?

The new year seems to bring much of the same, working, looking after children and yeah more working, it feels as though it never stops.
I sometimes wish that I could just jump on a plane and go away for a while just me, no work, no kids and no worries. Leave all the things behind like money issues and everything else, and just enjoy myself and not have to worry about looking after other people and just worry about me.

Ah but dreams are free!

Another thing, is anyone ever satisfied with what they have or are we always wanting more.
More money, more clothes, more trips over seas, more children......
And if we were satisfied with what we have and don't want more, would we be happier people? Is it the wanting more that makes us unhappy or unsatisfied?
Or are they just excuses so that we have a reason not to be happy?
Are people scared to be truly happy?
Cos that means that they have nothing to complain about and oh no they wont get any attention that way.

In search of sunshine

2007-01-02T00:15:00.000-08:00

Woke up on Saturday to a cold rainy and miserable day. For once I had no work on Saturday and neither did some of my friends.
two words
road trip
so we took to cars and went on a mission to find sunshine
and we succeeded we ended up in Greymouth and it was beautiful
we had pizza on the beach and enjoyed the sunshine until we had to leave
and come home to a cold and damp Christchurch.
It was great to get out of the city and see the beautiful scenery through the Arthurs pass, the water falls and shadows on the trees.
well worth the trip.
cant wait till me next weekend off and the next road trip.

2007-01-01T15:59:00.000-08:00

Life has been busy, I have my old job back at St Ives but this time i am working in the hospital wing and loving it but i am working 4 days on 2 days off so it means i am never home to bath, feed and put my kids to bed and I miss out on so much of them. But what else can you do when you need money.

I had a good but quiet Christmas spending the morning with some freinds then had tea with the family. It was the first Christmas without my Nana and she wasn't mentioned. I think it is still a sore point for alot of my family. I miss her so much.
New years was spent watching the most amazing sunset, gettin the car stuck in the sand, going to the square, then losing the plot at a park and throwing a guy in to the garden. All in all a great night.

To be honest i don't know what i want out of 2007 but i have a few issues to work through

2006-12-05T13:21:00.000-08:00

Georgia started crawling on sunday
she is getting into all Lyssa's toys and driving her mad

Fireworks

2006-11-05T19:37:00.000-08:00

Saturday night Warwick and I had a BBQ and some fireworks, it was a very good night. !1st of all everyone was late because the Aranui New World had just closed down that day and everyone went there to get some stuff on the way, they all had to turn around and go back to the countdown, never mind.
The fire works display was pretty awesome we only had one injury and that was Warwick. My friend who shall remain name less lit a firework and it went mental and shot in all directions, including hitting Warwick. It got stuck between his shoe and sock and burnt his ankle very badly. So poor old Warwick was walking around with only 1 shoe on for the rest of the night.
Then we came to a packet of strobe lights and we had 2 people that did some awesome dancing for us, those people shall also remain nameless, DEBBIE AND MARK.

Sunday night we went to the beach to see the fireworks and that was an awesome display.

On a different note

Georgia got her 1st tooth today, Yay

and

Alyssa has a hearing test on Wednesday afternoon, So if anyone reads this before we go could you please pray that Alyssa would understand what she is suppose to do so we can get a accurate idea of what's up, and that she doesn't freak out.

Alyssa

2006-10-30T18:47:00.000-08:00

I sometimes wish that when Alyssa is around rather than people rolling their eyes at her actions or how I am trying to deal with it. Offer help, say do you want me to keep an eye on Georgia while you deal to this. Or is there anything I can help you with.
Don't bag me out, I am doing my best in a sometimes very hard situation.
Be a support, don't tell me I'm wrong all the time, but offer suggestions on how to do it better.
I love my daughter very much but sometimes I just don't know what to do.

2006-10-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

In the last few days I feel that I am coming out of my shell. I have been able to have fun and be just who I am. There are still things stopping me from moving completely forward but I have and am still working on it. Its been nice to let go and have fun.

Georgia is thriving on the bottle. She is so much happier and more energetic. I have had no pain or discomfort giving up breast feeding so I obviously wasn't producing much.

Bottles

2006-10-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

I have had to give in to breast feeding. Georgia just wasn't getting enough nourishment from me. Her fontenelle was sunken and she was always hungry. So I started her on bottle feeding yesterday and even though she had had a full breast feed she drank 250ml of formula.
is it admitting defeat? I think it hard to let go as a parent and know that you can't do it on your own. But for the health of my beautiful little girl I had to bite the bullet.

hmmmm

2006-10-22T22:06:00.000-07:00

Lately there are quite a few things I have been battling with, such as trying to find out the real me. I wouldn't say that I am there but this week I think I have had a break through. I feel I have made some new friends and discovered how to have fun again.

Also this week I found out I have a passion for something that I didn't even realise I did until I started talking about it.

I also really enjoy helping people

all of these things may seem small but have really helped me to realise the Rebecca I am.
I am tired of being shy and quiet cos that is not who I am and I am making excuses not to do things that I know God is calling me to do

Thank you Lord for waking me up from this inactive life and putting a fire under me to burn for you Amen.

2006-09-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

I have been very sick over the past week. I have had a temperature that was 39.7deg C, very tied, dizzy, thumping head ache the list goes on. I'm still not 100% on top of my game.

Warwick looked after the girls for me while I was sick, which I am very grateful for.
Cos I hadn't eaten all week Georgia had to resort to a bottle to get any nutrition.
This morning I got up and looked around the house and thought is this what my house would look like if Warwick was an at home dad. Don't get me wrong I very much appreciate him for looking after the girls but its the things that a mother does that guys just don't think about.

For starters
He got the girls dressed in the mornings. This is good but the clothes he put them in never matched, and my poor Lyssa went for 4 days without having her hair brushed once. So she had a blond very frizzy afro on her head.
When giving babies a cruskit and it is wise to use a bib, once they have finished it you should wash them down before putting them in bed so baby does not stick to the sheets.

Just things like that, it could also be our personality's, I pay attention to detail where as I don't think Warwick knows what detail is.

thank you honey for looking after the children.

Searching

2006-09-04T15:24:00.000-07:00

At the moment I am searching for answers to so many questions. Just where I fit, where Alyssa is going to go to school, and a few more, I am also fighting with insecurities of my own.
I suppose I am just wanting some conformation on some things so I don't feel quite so in the air, I like to be grounded.

There was a very interesting question that we stumbled across in my cell group last night, that caused a very long debate.

Q: Many Christians think that the more they know about God and the more active they are for him, the less they'll be tempted?

Why is caused such a discussion is this, In the prayer of Jabez it says "oh lord keep me from evil"
Now does this mean God will keep you from evil or keep you safe while going through evil. Because it is going through the hard times and temptations that make us grow as Christians, but is it limiting God to say that God won't keep these things away from us.

I have my opinion but its an interesting thought point.

Oops

2006-08-29T13:49:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday I did the thing that is dreaded by all mothers. I locked my baby in the car.
Very silly I know but it was just so easily done.
What happened was my car has a push button to lock and unlock the car, the car relocks it self if a door isn't opened within about 30secs. Georgia's door doesn't seem to register when it opens cos if I dont open any other door in the car it locks again. The light doesn't even turn on when you open this door.
So I unlocked the car opened Georgia's door, as I did this Alyssa opened the gate and let the dog out. I put Georgia in the car seat (I didn't even do up her seat belt) gave her the keys to play with, shut the door and proceded to chase after the dog, when I got back to the car the door was locked and Georgia was happily sitting in her car seat sucking on my keys.
I went next door and rung my mother, when mum arrived I rung Warwick, and luckily he was being lead astray by another youth leader, bunking his class. Mum dropped Lyssa off at kindy as I was waiting patiently for Warwick to arrive Georgia fell asleep in the car. Next thing I can hear this car being absolutly screwed around the corner and then it appeared up my driveway.
Thank you Amy for bring Warwick home so quickly.
The funny thing was Warwick never takes his house keys with him but yesterday he did. Cos the spare car key was inside, the spare house key was on the car key ring and my house keys were in the car as well.
Praise God Warwick took his keys with him.
Just to clarify I was locked out of the car and the house.

2006-08-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I had my ladies group, we were doing the prayer of jabez. Last night I thought it was really good and we got a good discussion going. It was about the difference between being spirit filled and having the anoyting or the power of the spirit. Not that I actually believed it but I have been told quite often that I don't have the Holy Spirit because I can't speak in tongues. Yet when you ask Jesus into your heart you invite the Holy spirit in as well and you become spirit filled. But the power of the holy spirit comes on you for a reason or a season. I you were anointed by the holy spirit all the time we would pass out with exhaustion. Anyway I found it good, that sort of fellowship is what my spirit has been longing for. I don'e feel so dry anymore.

Yesterday I met this beautiful we girl, she was almost 2 and she had something wrong with her where she had no control over her muscles. She couldn't sit up let alone walk or talk. She was so beautiful, today she is going in for an operation (I don;t know what for) but she isn't expected to live till the age of 3. My heart cried for this wee girl and she is on my heart to pray for. I believe God has a plan for this wee girl, bigger than what she is now, where I feel God is going to work with her and do something great.

Warwick's mother is not a very nice person, she has four children and only 1 still talks to her. Warwick hasn't talked to her in 7 years.
I am worried for Warwick as it has taken so long to get all of her crap out of him, and I am scared old Warwick will come back with her influence and I do not like old Warwick.
My thought is will her influence rub off on him again cos it can be easy to revert to old ways, or has God strengthened him enough to still be nice Warwick and not change.

2006-08-17T16:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I am going an a "ladies advance" (they call it that because we want to advance in God no retreat) with my cell group from my old church. I am very much looking forward to it. The last time I went away with these ladies Alyssa was only 4 months old. I have been going back to my old cell group for about a month and it has been nice doing in depth bible studies as a group and being able to share in a loving environment, and I have really missed that while being at Opawa.
Also before my Nana died I asked them to pray for her, because I knew that she was holding on to something and she needed to let go.
One of the ladies came up to me on Monday and said that God had woken her up in the middle of the night to pray for my Nana. She said there was unfinished business or an unfinished thought, but she felt that she had prayed my Nana through it, and I was the next morning that she died.
It gave me a sense of peace and closer to hear that.

My little Georgia is sitting up now and eating solids, very exciting
and my Lyssa can now ride her bike
I am very proud of both my girls

Be patient

2006-08-07T14:38:00.000-07:00

When I was a teenager I used to carry around a little card in my wallet that said "Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet"
I have started going back to my ladies cell group at my old church, and I am really enjoying doing in depth bible studies with other woman.
At the moment we are doing the prayer of Jabez bible study about expanding territory.
I felt God place on my heart that I was going to start something, I don't know what or where but something.
I felt though God and I had a lot bit of work to do on sorting me out first (my hard heart)
Once I experience the true freedom that can only come from God, and with Gods help I can expand my territory for God

Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet.

Reflection

2006-08-06T13:50:00.000-07:00

Over the past two weeks I have been struggling with a lot of stuff. Looking back I was ready and excepted the woman in the bed to die, but I didn't count on the connection would be made again. What I mean is I had separated my Nana and this woman lying in the bed for a long time, but when she died the two were brought back together and all the memories and everything came flooding back, it was like losing her all over again.
So I was left with this huge range of emotions not knowing what to do with them or how to deal with them.
I felt as though I had a door close in my heart to God and everyone around me. I felt as though I needed a shoulder to cry on but there were none around that were my size, and there were people saying "well you must have known she was going to die" and that made me think is it wrong for me to cry.
I felt that I was hurting but I wasn't aloud to show it, "you have to be strong for your kids" don't let them see you upset"
This leads to my next question, why? why not let them see it. Is grieving a thing that is frowned upon in New Zealand?
This is the first person close to me that has died and I just don't know where to put myself, I feel lost.

Anyway on Sunday the sermonettes that were spoken were on Elizabeth and Mary. And the relationship of an older and younger woman, and even though the difference in age they both looked up to each other.
I was talking to someone after church and she said it was her dream that one day there will be an Elizabeth for every Mary in Opawa.
And is it that there are many other young woman crying out for an Elizabeth to share some of there them wisdom and encouragement with them.
And are there many experienced woman with the longing to share some of there wisdom and encouragement to Mary's.
Is there a need for a group/place where you can go and be real about yourself and not be judged or frowned upon but have a love and understanding that only a sister in Christ could give. Someone to sit with you when life is crashing down.
Thoughts to ponder and pray about.

2006-07-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

The funeral was a nice service, 5 out of 7 grandchildren were there and we carried her coffin out along with her God son. I know Nana would have liked that cos her favourite thing in the world was her grandchildren.
There is a story of when my Aunty was pregnant with her first child, she was dragged along to the CWI in Dunedin (where my nana was president) to Grandma's night. My nana was so desperate to go to grandma's night she took along a pregnant woman.
Her life revolved around her family and think she would be pleased to see so many of her family at her funeral.

The day before she died I had a dream that I was driving in a car with my Nana in the passenger seat and she had her memory restored to her and she knew who we all were, all the family and she said she was proud of us, and that was very nice.

My Nana

2006-07-25T00:13:00.000-07:00

In loving memory of

Margaret Helena Jamieson

22 September 1921 - 25 July 2006

To my Nana

I will always love you and appreciate everything you have done for me.

I will miss your big smile your laugh and your winks.

I will miss you singing to me and reading to me.

You have left a big inprint on my life that I am so greatful for.

But now you have passed, and I hope you are spreading as much joy in heaven as you did down here

I love you Nana and will miss you always

Your loving grandaughter

Rebecca Margaret

Mail box

2006-07-22T05:02:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend last night about how we are in church, and we both said we felt dry, spiritually.
We continued talking and found we had similar views and ideas about things. One thing that I have been thinking about for a while is having a worship night, where we come together to worship God, no sermon, just continuous worship with music the whole time, and allowing time to really get into it without stopping all the time.

On another note

On thurday night Warwick and I didn't get much sleep. Georgia woke up 3 times, Alyssa kept waking up and climbing into our bed, the dog was howling all night and wouldn't stop and the cats were being more annoying than usual. We came to the conclusion that something spiritual was going on, so at 4.30 in the morning we prayed. We felt that what ever it was lay dormant but wasn't dealt with completly but just enough for us to get to sleep.
Tonight we went to an engagement party and was talking to a lady from out old church, and we told her what had happened and she said "do you have an issue with one of your neighbours" and we said not to our knowledge. then she said "do you know anyone who cant have children" and again we said no. Then she said she can see blue, a blue mail box or a mail box that looks like a house that is blue, and it is like someone has cursed you for having another child.
Warwick and I thought and prayed about this and on the way home from the engagement party, we saw a blue mail box on a house across the road from us. (In all the time we have lived here we have never spoken to these people and never noticed that they have a bright blue letter box.)
Warwick and I prayed and blessed the house across the road and broke any word spoken over us, and now we feel a real peace

God is awesome at how he reveals things to us

2006-07-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

My husband was away for the weekend, in Hanmer with the youth group.
I am not used to staying on my own so I decided to leave the dog inside overnight to keep me company. Well what a terrible night it turned out to be. Georgia woke up at midnight, the cats that normally sleep on Warwick wanted to sleep on me so every time I moved I hissed at or scratched. The cats kept waking me up wanting to get in and out of the blankets, Georgia wakes up at 4am for a feed, back to bed at 20 past. (Georgia doesn't normally wake at night until after 6) 5.am Alyssa comes into my bed after yelling at the top of her lungs that Henry was inside and should be outside. Alyssa continued to talk to the cats and move her feet and scratch me with her toe nails. 5.30 I could take anymore of it so I decided to go to the lou. On the way out I stand in dog pee, I hopped over to the bath to wash my foot and I looked down and found a giant dog crap an the bath mat. So I had to clean up the mess and put the dog outside and Alyssa back to bed. So on Saturday I had been up since 5.30.

The next night I asked a friend to stay over, but I must have been so tied that I slept through the baby crying and woke up to someone standing over me holding the baby. (Thank you very much for that.)

On Saturday I went up to Hanmer and I was surprised by what I found, every other camp I had been on there is always trouble, but the whole dynamic was different and everyone that was there at the time seemed to be bonding and enjoying themselves, it was great to see.

Something good?

2006-06-29T03:04:00.000-07:00

Well this might be something good out of something bad.
My mother got a phone call from my dad the other day and he said to tell him straight away if my nana dies.
The thought is he would use it as an accuse to come down to Christchurch.
I haven't seen my dad since I was 13 and I would love to introduce him to my children and my husband and to myself.
I would love to see my dad, I'm just scared of what he would think of me and my children and what I would say to him.
My Nana is still fighting but more and more is going wrong with her.
I don't want to get my hopes up about seeing my dad as I always get heart broken.

Babies

2006-06-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

I have a database of babies born since October last year of people I know. I noticed there seemed to be a rather strong trend, here are the name af the one who have been born already and see if you can pick
in order
Zara, Ethan, Tyler, Jack Zackery, Georgia, Samuel, Rocco, Joel, Elyjah, Toby, Joseph, Harlen and Caleb
Hmm only 2 girls what is the world coming to.

My Nana 2

2006-06-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

As you can tell this is not my Nana but she's just cute so I had to put a photo in.

Today I went to visit my Nana and although she is still yellow, she was as bright as a button.
She was smiling and talking and taking notice of the people around her, this is the first time I have seen her do this since September last year.
It is because she is having constant stimulation (where she doesn't normally have any stimulation at all)
For the first time she acknowledged Georgia and actually spoke to her and listened to Alyssa sing to her, she really seemed to see us in the room, where as normally she would barely even open her eyes.
She is still on her way out but what a way to go, she got to see my girls, what a great blessing for her and for me.

My Nana

2006-06-11T16:13:00.001-07:00

Well today is Monday, My nana wasn't supposed to last the weekend, but she is a fighter and she is still here.
My Nana has liver cancer she is very yellow in colour and her body is starting to shut down.
I love my nana very much, she was my sanity when everyone else in the family was doing there thing.
The struggle I have is I should be feeling sad that my Nana is going to die but I feel relief.
My Nana has dementia and she is in hospital care, doesn't have the use of her legs, cant talk and doesn't remember who anyone is, what kind of life is that and now that something is finally killing her I am happy for her.
I said goodbye to my nana years ago because she is not the same person I knew when she was growing up. I look upon her as a caregiver would, as a resident not a family member.
I will be sad when she goes, I think, but at the moment I feel nothing.
Does this make me a horrible person, or is just that the nana I once knew and loved has long gone and it is just her shell that remains.

The Dog

2006-06-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

My mother said to me yesterday "that we have a wonderful way of going down the toilet and coming up with a golden terd"
In her opinion here is another example of this.
Warwick and I have always wanted a dog, we both absolutely love cocker spaniels. Well last weekend when we got back from the wedding there was a text on my ph saying do we know anyone who would like a free dog, a cocker spaniel. I thought oh yeah whatever.
The next morning I said to Warwick would you like a dog, well check it out. To cut a long storey short Yesterday we brought home a wonderful Cocker spaniel puppy named Henry as our newest member of the family. That's a golden terd in my books.

Warwick tried to tell me he is not a dog person... Yeah right

The wedding

2006-06-09T14:11:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Alyssa was a flower girl in a wedding, as you can imagine it was a bit of a disaster but she looked cute anyway.

Gods Blessings

2006-05-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

We went to visit a family member in a rest home a couple of weeks ago, and a lady came in with a tray full of stuff to make our own cups of tea and placed it on the bed. I decided to play hostess and make a drink for everyone in the room when I herd this strange gagging sound, I looked down to see Alyssa when brown stuff coming out of her mouth. While I was making the tea she had grabbed a spoon and dipped it in the instant coffee (thinking it was milo) and put it in her mouth. mmm powder coffee.

Its interesting how God works, on Saturday I found money left in an ATM machine, there was no one around the bank was closed, I didn't know what to do.
So I took the money home with me planning on taking to the bank on Monday.
when I got home I was shaking and I felt so guilty having someone else's money in my possession.
I will admit I thought about keeping the money cos I could have really used it but I'm to honest. On Monday I took the money back to the bank and the tellers were stunned that someone would actually own up. One actually said "it gives you hope that there are still some good people out there" it made me feel really good. When I got back in the car I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off me.
The same day my grandad was robed when he was visiting my nana at her rest home, someone went in to his wallet while he was out of the room and when grandad went out of the room the second time they took what was left in the wallet. To me this was strange how it was on the same day and about the same amount of money. It just makes me sick that someone would actually purposely go into a jacket pocket get out a wallet and take the money.

Praise God today I had a visitor and this person had a gift for us and it was the exact amount I needed for something and I really feel God blessed me for my honesty I just wish that there were more people that would do the same.

2006-05-17T13:54:00.000-07:00

I feel there is a calling in my life to work in a certain area and at the moment I am just waiting for conformation to see if this is what God has in store for me. I feel very drawn to this area and feel I called to pray for people that enter this area. I'm felling quite excited because I love what it involves but I am also concerned that my shyness wont let me do what needs to be done.
I would have to work with people and the strange thing is I love being around people I just don't know how to talk to people I don't know.

So I am really praying for conformation, but I do doubt a lot, I think that I am unable to do things but I know with God all things are possible.

How long

2006-05-15T01:13:00.000-07:00

I wanted my title to be "how long do I have to kick my own ass" but it didn't fit.

With cold weather setting in and being stuck in doors I am so glad Alyssa is at kindy. It took her a few days to get used to it but she really seems to enjoy it now and asks if she has kindy everyday, and is very disappointed when she doesn't go.
Georgia has grown so big and her smile makes her eyes sparkle
I have two wonderful girls

I am a shy person and some peoples first impressions of me is that I am cold. The truth is I just don't know how to act around people I don't know very well and sometimes people I do.
Lately I believe that God is giving me opportunities to break this unaffectionate thing I have going on but I keep failing. At least twice a week God put a situation in front of me where someone is upset and needs a hug from someone and I am normally the only one around and I fail every time. When I have time to reflect on how the situation went, I kick myself cos I really want to be there for the person and I'm sure they think I don't care, but that is so not the case I just have to get over this barrier.
I think the worst thing is these people really need a hug or some comfort and are left stranded because I can't get over my shyness to give them what they need.
Lets hope the next opportunity I get I will succeed.

My Girls

2006-04-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

Today my big girl starts Kindy and I am looking forward to this it also means that Alyssa is becoming a big girl, she is growing up and its a bit scary really.
Georgia is 2 months old tomorrow that is also a big thing, where does all the time go my girls are getting so big.

This is what Warwick and I woke up to one morning. Alyssa had got out of bed and got into Georgia's room and climed in her cot to sleep with her.

Easter

2006-04-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

Well this is the first year I haven't helped out doing safety at eastercamp. I felt it hard to be restrained and not join in, after so many years it become natural to be in safety mode whether you are on shift or not. I really enjoy doing safety, you miss most of the camp but you get to see things from the outside in and see how much God is working in this place. Last year I spent a lot of time with the intercessors praying with them and letting them know our issues or where the problems were coming from. From what Warwick said they really missed the interaction with the intercessors.

I went out to camp most days to get an update of how things were and so I didn't have to sit at home alone, it was to good to see a youth group enjoying its own company.

This was the first weekend that I have ever been left alone in a house without other adult company. I was very nervous about this as I don't like being alone but I coped very well and my girls didn't even notice me being a bit worried.

Alyssa had her first Easter egg hunt this weekend and she seemed to enjoy it even though all the kids were older than her and ignoring her. One of the girls there was extremely mean to Alyssa but when we got home that night and Alyssa was saying her prayers she said 'praise God for Danielle' this got me thinking where as most adults would hold a grudge Alyssa had forgotten and moved on and this is how we as Christians should be but a lot of the time aren't.
'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven' Matthew 18:3

update

2006-04-06T00:47:00.000-07:00

The internet connection on our home computer isn't working so I haven't been able to go on the net for a while, so I have stolen my husbands laptop to write this post, strange thing is I am using the same connection and its working, it just wont on our home computer.
Also I have noticed my side bar has disappeared, what's with that, am I going to have to enter the whole thing again.

Everything is starting to settle down, our financial situation is almost settled and everything else is just cruising.
Georgia is the most delightful baby, very happy and easy, she loves baths and her big sister and gives lots of smiles to Alyssa.
Alyssa loves her back and is very upset when Georgia is in bed and Lyssa can't cuddle her. Alyssa's jealousy has gone for the most part and home life is becoming easier.
Alyssa is starting Kindy next term and she is very excited and asks if I can take her almost everyday, I think that will be good for both me and her.
Warwick and I have also realised that we have let Alyssa away with far to much for far to long and now with a second child we have no control of her, she runs off at malls and in car parks or even across roads and she doesn't listen. Yesterday I decided to take all of her toys off her, yep every single toy (and she has alot) I think the worst part was she didn't care, but today she was an angel there was no T.V all day but 'Blue Clues' and she behaved until we went out. I just need to figure out how to make her listen and behave when we are out.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2006-03-26T02:14:00.000-08:00

Things are getting a bit stressful around here at the moment. Alyssa is struggling with the new adition to our family and is acting up, we are still not earning enough to cover our bills and have been living off money that was ment to buy things we need with, and now that the money is almost gone, we still don't have any of the things we need. Every now and then the lack of sleep catches up to me. I have a house I seem to be constantly cleaning and it is always a mess, and my husband isn't coping with his work load. We feel alone and that there is no one we can talk to to vent our frustrations.
The only thing that is getting me through is holding on to God with everything I have left and just having faith that everything will be ok, that God will look after us.
Georgia is a very easy baby and doesn't wake to much in the night, she is a joy, Alyssa is getting used to Georgia but I have to keep my eye on her constanly as she has started to become violent with hitting, kicking, punching, slapping and biting and we don't know how to stop it. All I can do is pray and keep praying about everything cos the only way I am coping is with Gods strength because I have none left.

Ladies Camp

2006-03-20T03:26:00.000-08:00

I have just spent the last weekend at ladies camp (of course I took the baby with me)
The first session I open my notebook and realise I had a piece of paper with me from exactly 3 years ago this weekend from another ladies camp I had been on.
It was a word from God about a deep down sadness I have inside of me and how joy tries to come up from inside but I wont let it.
I realised I hadn't dealt with this I still am exactly the same as I was three years ago but I just think I have got better at hiding it.
The second session the speaker said happiness comes from within, no matter how "perfect" your life is, you know the perfect family, the perfect career, and a flash house or something to that effect won't make you happy.
I realised that all the things I had been chasing to make me happy, won't
I have to find the happiness within.
I then started to think about the next part of this word and I realised even more about myself.
I am afraid to let people love me, care for me or show affection to me. This includes my husband and God. I don't know why but I think its because if I let people love me I have to let them in (break down the wall, my defense mechanism) and this comes to a fear of rejection or being hurt.
So ladies camp was a real eye opener to what I have to deal with to let God in, I just have to stop being so scared to be loved and cared for. Now I know what I am dealing with it is much easier to work through.
I just want to thank all the people that made it possible for me to go to camp as I really needed it.

Healing

2006-03-07T00:55:00.000-08:00

It has been one week since the birth of Georgia and what a healing experience it has been. There were 3 things I wanted to do with this baby that I missed out on having Alyssa and I got to do all of them.
1) Have a natural birth
2)Be the first to hold the baby
3) Be the first to bath the baby
Its hard to describe the feeling that I have but I feel like a whole woman where as before I don't think I really did.
My husband asked me do I hold it against Alyssa for having a c-section and I said no of course not the problem wasn't with her, it was me, did I have the ability to do it. I love both my girls very much and how they came into the world has no effect on how I look at them it is more about how I look at my self.

I seem to have slipped back into being a mother of a baby really easily. I am finding that a second child is much easier than a first cos you know what you are doing and you already have one to look after so the new edition just has to slip into your life.
I am still on a high from the birth and I didn't even get the third day blues, I have more energy now than I did when I was pregnant, and at this stage things are going well.

When Georgia was born she was 7lb 14 which is pretty good considering she was so far over due and her sister who was on time was 7lb 11. By day six she was over her birth weight. My midwife said it can take up to 2 week for a baby to get back to their birth weight so I was pretty pleased with my achievement cos she is being fully breastfed.

Well worth the wait

2006-03-03T02:17:00.000-08:00

Monday at 8.30 in the morning we finally got the phone call to say when the specialist appointment will be, it was at 4.45 that evening. Oh great a whole day of being nervous waiting for this appointment.
Anyway the appointment came and the specialist said there is a 30% chance of having a c-section and a 70% chance of not. The specialist seemed confident that the induction would work and was quite happy to let them go ahead.
Monday night my midwife rung and said the hospital wasn't busy and I could go in whenever we wanted. Warwick said lets go tomorrow, wow tomorrow, so I was booked in. I didn't like the idea of having the induction so soon, I could have waited another day or two (being induced was a scary thought to me).
7.45 on Tuesday morning we were at chch Woman's to meet the midwife, she did an internal exam and said that my cervix still had not effaced. At 8.30 the doctor came in to assess my case. He was not very hopeful, he said they will only try the gel twice then see if I go into labour over night if not I was to be booked in for a c-section first thing Wednesday morning.
After the doctor left I just lay on the bed and didn't say anything, I was quite disappointed. My midwife inserted the gel and put me on the monitors, within ten minutes I felt a tightening, all of a sudden I perked up.
At 11.00 Warwick went to get some lunch and my midwife went to visit another client (thinking we were in for the long hall). Of course while I was by myself labour really kicked in, Warwick came back in the room to find me doubled over in pain. At 12.45 I was 3 cm dialated, that was when I decided to get an epidural (in my mind I still had hours to go cos it took 13 hours to dialate the rest of the way with Alyssa). By the time the epidural was in but still wasn't working I felt this amazing urge to push. To everyone's surprise I was fully dialated at 13.35.
Georgia was born by ventouse at 2.26pm, which means I had a vaginal delivery and a labour that only lasted 3 hours.
Praise God

The picture is of my two girls Alyssa and Georgia

2006-02-25T12:06:00.000-08:00

Still no baby!
Today I am 9 days over due, or 17 days from my original due date. Still no baby, the babies head still hasn't engaged and still no signs labour is coming.
This has been a very hard pregnancy, with having to quit my job very early on and all the sickness through out and everything else that has gone on, you would think I would be cut a break and the baby would have been born early. I feel as though I am being punished for something and the light at the end of the tunnel seems to be getting smaller and smaller.
My thought pattern originally thought that I had an easy pregnancy with Alyssa and a complicated birth surly this time with a complicated pregnancy I would have an easy birth, but the longer it takes the less likely that is to happen.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the specialist, I am quite nervous about this as I don't know what he is going to say or where things are at. He might say the baby is still to high and she has had a previous caesarian well just put her in for one now. The other that bothers me is how they will go about the induction and will I be able to cope with the intense pain an induction can bring.

I am also sick and tied of being short tempered, grumpy and cynical. I am rude to almost everyone and that is not who I really am but I can't seem to help it at the moment, the words that some people just think in there heads actually comes out of my mouth and offends people.
And please stop asking if I have had the baby to my face, if I look pregnant and there is no baby around then there is your answer. I know some of you think this is funny (Andrew) but I have to live and struggle with this every day that I am still pregnant and don't need insensitive people to try and be funny.

2006-02-19T21:03:00.000-08:00

Well now I'm classed as 3 days overdue. Now I know that doesn't seem like long but when you have been thinking the 9th was the due date, 11 days is a long time.
The upsetting thing is everytime I get my hopes up I see the midwife and she tells me that nothing has changed from the last time she saw me.

I had another appointment with the midwife today and again I got told the babies head still hasn't engaged. She also did another membrane sweep and told me my cervix hasn't changed since Wednesday, it is still long and not even ready for labour.

I have a specialist referral going through for Friday, chances are if I end up being induced I will end up with another c-section which is what I really want to avoid.

I have also started to have nightmares about the birth. Please pray for me to get through this time and have this baby naturally.

I feel all hope is lost for having a natural birth, this baby is not ready or even trying to be ready, and once they start induction there is very little chance left.

little things

2006-02-15T14:06:00.000-08:00

Well still no baby.
Yesterday I had a midwife appointment and she decided to do a membrane sweep (for those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, it's best to stay in the dark until you really need to know) and she found out that my cervix still hadn't even begun to ripen, very disappointing, it can mean that labour is still a long way off.

Last night I woke up about 4:00 and couldn't get back to sleep so I grabbed my bible and went into the lounge and read for a little while, I then got on my hands and knees and just let all my emotions fly. I heard a noise and thought that my crying had woken Warwick up so I dried off my face to show that I was fine and nothing was wrong, when I turned around to see who was coming to see me it was my little guardian angel, she didn't say anything, she just smiled at me and climbed on my knee. She gave me the biggest hug and just stayed there wrapped in her blanket, I could have sat there all night but after half an hour I saw my baby girl was very tied so I said it's time to go back to bed, so she hopped off my knee and before she could go back to bed she had to see if daddy was ok. After she had seen daddy she walked off to bed by herself I tucked her in and said goodnight and thanked God for my little girl.
Its amazing how God can use someone so small and precious to make everything seem ok.

On a different note this morning when I got out of the shower I had a show (again if you don't know what that is it's best not to) which means that something is starting to happen, I hope.

Limbo

2006-02-12T18:35:00.000-08:00

Well what a frustrating time. I don't know whether or not I'm three days over due or I have five days till my due date. I have 2 due dates which is very frustrating, 1 is my LMP date and the other is the date from the scan. It looks like the scan date is more accurate which is the 17th of Feb, but it is eight days after the original date worked out so that is 8 days of feeling over due.
Waiting, we have everything done, we have brought everything we need and all this was ready by the 2nd of feb so since then its just waiting.
I am getting tied and grumpy easily and snapping at people, and I am being generally quite rude, sorry to all those I have offended but if you can't handle rude comments it might be better not to visit me until after the baby is born. Just think Warwick has to live with the rudeness.
I havent been to church cos I can't stand stupid comments such as so have you had the baby yet. (why yes I have I just left it at home and am wearing a cusion up my top cos I miss having a fat belly) I mean come on people use your brain.

At the moment it feels like this baby is never going to come out, and I have had enough.

I will be much happier when this baby is out

We went to Quail Island yesterday and I had a great time, but I really missed being able to play with my daughter cos I was so sore and worn out. Warwick is great with her but I have been missing out on so much playtime and bonding. Thank you to all those who helped us yesterday.

2006-01-27T01:24:00.000-08:00

Well tomorrow will be a sad day as well as an exciting one.
Tomorrow we get our new car but first we have to say good buy to our old one.
Our car we have had for 5 years, it was the first car Warwick and I brought as a couple, it was the car that we went on our honeymoon in, it was the car we took our daughter home from the hospital in when she was born.
I know I am sentimental but the car has a lot of memories and it has been good to us.
There are only 3 occasions that it hasn't worked, all of course were the times we really needed it to work.

1: Before I was married and saving for the wedding I had a job that took me round the south island. One morning as I was about to go to Hokitika for two weeks and had 3 people to pick up and take with me, the car decided it would be a good time for the battery to die. I was living at my mums house at the time and she has a very narrow drive way (there is about 2 inches either side of the wing mirrors from the fence and the house). The car was up the top of the driveway and the battery was so dead we didn't even have power steering. It was winter so the windows fogged up and there was no way to wind them down and you could open the door as it was being pushed down the driveway. So as you can imagine it was very hard to see. Eventually we got it on to the road and got it jump started, but we were half an hour late for our shift in Hokitika.

2: Was when I was in labour with Alyssa. Our car is very low and I couldn't get out of the car so my mum came over to take me to the hospital. I got in mums car and we were about to leave and Warwick came flying down the driveway waving his arms asking us to stop. Mum got out and asked him what was wrong (the battery was flat again) Mum had to push Warwick down the drive way while I was having contractions in mums car. You can imagine the panic but they got the car started and I got to the hospital safely.

3: Was when Alyssa was five weeks old at Christmas we went to see the lights out at kaiapoi. We hopped in the car ready to leave and it wouldn't start. We had to push it again but I couldn't cos I had just had a c-section 5 weeks before hand, so again my poor mum had to push the car, a few guys standing on the side of the road decided to help, when the car started Warwick took of down the road (full speed) and my mother ended up flat on her face in the middle of the road and all I could do was laugh.

Other than those 3 times we never had any problems with it. I love that car but we as a family have out grown it and I will be sad to see it go.

I am excited about our new car and all the memories we can make, Praise God for finding the perfect car for us and praise God for mum who put up with so much and offered to buy us a new battery cos she was sick off pushing our car.

Praise God

2006-01-24T11:52:00.000-08:00

Well yesterday we went into the bank trusting God and hoping all things will turn out for the better, and did they what. Yesterday we were co owners of part of our house and now we are the sole of owners of our property in Aranui. Our personal banker said we have never let a payment slip so was glad to refinance our mortgage and pay off the smaller one and also give us a lone for the car we need because he trusts us to pay even on a limited income.
So yeah we are off to look at cars this morning with a thankful heart to God for all he has done for us. PRAISE GOD

If anyone has sat in the back seat of our car you will understand why we need a new one because to fit a rear facing car seat in the back is just not a practical thing. God has given us the means to get a bigger car which never thought would be possible until I was back at work.
Again I say all things are possible with Christ Jesus who strengthens us.

Praise God for the family member who put a rocket up our bottoms and forced us to rely on God.

Gods comfort

2006-01-23T10:10:00.000-08:00

Well with 2 weeks left of my pregnancy everything seems to be falling into place. The babies room is completed except for the wardrobe, my husband 30th is over and done with now all there is to do is wait. Well that would be the easy way to look at things. We have been put in a rather uncomfortable position by a member of our family, this position effects our mortgage and relies on having a good stable financial position, which with one of us due to give birth in the next two weeks and the other on a student allowance doesn't look promising. So other than just about making me go into labour with all the stress I slept on the information and woke up this morning and God directed me to read 2 Corinthians 1:3-11
which in a nut shell says that God is with us and comforts us when we are suffering also suffering brings us closer to God because we learn to rely on him more. Jesus endured the ultimate in suffering so that he could comfort us when we need it and after we have been comforted we can go on and comfort others the same way as Christ comforts us.
I then felt to read 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 which says we must forgive the person who caused the distress and to show them love.
I admit this will be hard to do but in Christ we can do anything
If anyone reads this today I would realy appreciate your prayers as we go and speak to the bank today and try and sort this mess out, and pray the stress doesn't send me into hospital to have the baby too early.

Lost

2006-01-08T15:29:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been feeling really distant from God. In that I have been struggling with low moods and just not coping with anything coming my way. I find that most days my husband is at work and I am left without a car, I seem to break down and feel trapped. The street we live in is nice but the streets surrounding it are not and I feel very uncomfortable walking in the area. There is miles to walk to the nearest bus stop, so I feel trapped in my house when I don't have the car.
When you are stuck at home with an energetic 3 year old it can drive even the calmest people mental. When Alyssa gets bored everything get pulled out and thrown on the floor, which adds to the house work.
I have made myself a roster to fully tidy just one room a day and what a lot of pressure that takes off. For me getting up in the morning and seeing the state of the house and thinking I have the whole house to clean strips me of all my motivation because the job is to big so nothing gets done. With doing one room a day that room gets a thorough clean (rather than just a tidy up) and I have all day to do it.

I don't really know why I feel so distant from God when He is still so obviously working in my life. I don't know if its because of where I'm at being so down a lot of the time or am I down a lot of the time because I am distant from God? Or is it that I haven't had a chance to use my gifts and talents in such a long time that I'm losing them and that is creating a barrier between us?

My mother is not a Christian and some of the things she says about and over Alyssa seem to have a lasting effect. I hadn't broken any word of curses off Alyssa for a while and she was becoming a real handful for anyone to look after, then it occurred to me to pray for her and since then she has been wonderful (yeah she still has her moments but what child doesn't) She has been a lot easier to look after and has even been a bit helpful at putting her toys away after she has finished playing with them.
See God is still working in my life in almost every aspect I just don't feel it like I used to I suppose.

6 weeks to go

2005-12-27T10:19:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas is finally over and done with. Yay, it went reasonably hassle free, but I think there is someone that ruins every family occasion in each family. Our person just happens to be a grumpy 84 year old man who throws a wobbly because he is not centre of attention over a three year old. You would think that at 84 you would be used to children taking the limelight but never mind the rest of the day went well and I enjoyed spending time with my family.
My darling mother brought me the video of 'the Grinch who stole Christmas', because of my attitude towards Christmas before hand. Everyone got a good laugh out of it.

With some help of a couple of wonderful people we got the first coat of paint on the babies room yesterday and will be completing the rest today. The paint looks so good it has brightened up the room and I think for the first time I noticed some sun coming through the window (that might have had something to do with the fact that I was up at 6.30 which I'm not usually)
Last week my mother and I decided to go to off the track which is a second hand curtain place, just for a look, well we found the perfect curtains for the room for only $55, they are perfect. After we had the first coat of paint on the walls we got Warwick to do a curtain dance and hold them up to see how they look, they look great.

Baby seems to be growing well and mooned most of my family on Christmas day. After eating on Christmas day the space for baby became a bit limited so she got herself into a position where her bum was sticking out of the top of my belly just under my rib cage, which gave everyone another good laugh at me but never mind.
I'm still throwing up a bit and I am trying to fight off a man cold, you know the whole I'm dying thing.

We had Alyssa as the present giver on Christmas day, which was wonderful except you would give her a present and tell her to give it to someone and she would open it for them on the way have a good look at the present and decide whether it was good enough to give to that person, and after inspection give them the present, some people especially 84 year men did not take to kindly to their present being opened for them, but Lyssa had fun and she was so cute.

Thank you to all of you who have helped us or had us in your prayers, I've come out of my low mood and am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Low week

2005-12-15T01:17:00.000-08:00

I haven't written anything on my blog for a while because I've had a really low week. With everything going on and pregnancy hormones I have been a mess. My husband has nick named me the grinch because I don't want anything to do with Christmas or his birthday, I didn't even want to put up a Christmas tree this year. I just want to crawl into a hole for the next eight weeks and come out when the baby is born and everything is finished and over and done with.

Last week we finally cleaned out the babies room and pulled up the carpet, which to our surprise wasn't even tacked down. This carpet was horrible and looked rotten and smelt musty, we thought the floor underneath this carpet would be rotten and need replacing, but when we lifted the carpet the floor was beautifully polished rimu. The thought that went through my head was why on earth would you put ugly carpet on polished rimu floors.

Our financial struggle has been what has hit me the hardest. This week we got a lot less than what we normally get on a student allowance, the funny thing is Warwick has been working and it still doesn't meet to what we would be getting if we got a benefit over the holidays. The problem with that is Warwick and I like to work for our money, and we don't feel guilty because here we sitting on our chuffs quite capable of working getting money from the government, when the money could be better spent elsewhere.

I wanted to buy Alyssa a trampoline for Christmas but because of where we are at I have had to put the money onto other things. Alyssa doesn't mind, but its my disappointment in myself that she has to miss out.

Everything else is just sitting on top of me weighing me down. What a terrible time of year there is so much going on and so much stress on people. I never want to forget the birth of Jesus and the significance of that but I could quite easily through away the rest of Christmas cos that would be one less thing I have to deal with.

31 weeks

2005-12-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

9 weeks to go.
Babies room: Well I still haven't even started to tidy it or clear it out, so painting is still a while off.
Leg cramps: Seem to be gone for now
Morning sickness: Seems to be returning
Body: Muscles becoming sore in lower abdomen
Car: Starting to struggle to get out of it
Alyssa gets frustrated its taking me longer to get out of the car so she climbs over the seat and pushes me out of the way.

Everything seems to be better this week Warwick has been working at the toilet duck factory, which he hates so he is trying a driving job at a timber yard. I haven't had any work this week and have enjoyed every minute of it.
It has been quite good I have had no work as Alyssa has had a nasty cold so I have stayed home with her all week, the great thing is at this stage I don't have the cold but Warwick does and he has lost his voice, so if anyone wants to hasstle him now is the time to do it because he can't answer back. Ha Ha

Its funny how no one talks to one another while waiting in a check out queue. I was in whittcouls yesterday and there was quite a long queue. No one was saying anything and minding there own business. Now I don't know what went through Alyssa's head but she wasn't going to stand for that, she started talking the the checkout girl, then the lady behind me, then the lady beside me. Well I am a shy person I don't like much attention but Alyssa makes sure that people notice both of us, all these ladies were talking back to her and saying how friendly and delightful she is, because of this I was forced to make polite conversation. Alyssa is probably doing me the world of good in that respect I just wish she wouldn't pick such public places.
My husband on the other loves the attention Alyssa brings and laps up every ounce of it, where as I would rather hide and have no one notice me.

Putting things into perspective

2005-12-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; You will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you.
If anyone does attack you, it not will be my doing; Whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
Isaiah 54:14-15

I was talking to a friend yesterday who helped me put things into perspective. It was so refreshing having someone older and wiser to talk to.
While I was praying with her I felt an overwhelming peace, God reminded me he had been with me from the start of this pregnancy and that he is in control.

I feel God is the one who told me it was time to have another child. I had a very vivid dream one night about childbirth and when I woke up I felt God say its time. My husband and I had not been trying because I didn't think I was ready for another child yet. But within 2 weeks of that dream it was confirmed I was pregnant. The comfort is that God will never give you more than you can handle, so if he said "it's time" then I must be able to handle it, with his help.

My 3 year old is extremely active, always on the go and she can be very tiring. She is very delightful and always happy. Yesterday in church when the pastor was praying, Alyssa decided because everyone was quiet that she would sing happy birthday Lyssa at the top of her lungs.
You got to love her.
My friend I was speaking to yesterday helped me realise that she is not naughty or bad she is just being Alyssa. Also to break the words that are spoken over often such as she has A.D.D and that she is a handful, and allow her to be what God wants her to be rather than what everyone else says she is.
I don't believe Alyssa has A.D.D she is not destructive and she does listen to you and do what you say most of the time, she is just full of beans.

I feel as though God has control of my life now, and I believe he is with me and my family as we go through this time of change. Praise God for his faithfulness, he never fails

30 Weeks

2005-12-01T12:16:00.000-08:00

Well I have reached 30 weeks of pregnancy, which means 10 weeks to go. The reality is really starting to hit.
The babies room is full of junk, I mean you can barely open the door. So in ten weeks as well as dealing with Christmas and my husbands 30th, we have to clean out the room and paint it from top to bottom, put the new carpet in and find new curtains. As well as this we have to find the money for the paint and curtains. We have ceiling paint and paint for the windows left over from Alyssa's room but its the colour paint we need. Now if you have ever seen this room you will know why it needs to be painted and carpeted before it is inhabited.

My husband is doing temp work at the moment and there is no guarantee that he will have work every day right through. I also don't know how much longer I can work because the weight of this big belly is straining my back. So its a time we really have to trust in God.

Having a c-section last time didn't seem to effect me until this pregnancy, but the further through I get the more anxious I get about the birth. Also with a c-section you don't get to hold your baby until they have finished stiching you up. With Alyssa it them 10 minutes to get her out and 40 mins to sew me back up. That was forty mins that I couldn't hold my new born baby, I could only hold her hand.
I want to be the first one to hold this baby.
Also I missed out on giving Alyssa her first bath, because she had really bad wind and the midwife in the hospital took her for a bath to see if it would release some of the wind, while I slept. It didn't bother until now thinking about this baby and I want to the first one to bath this baby.

Its weird how things that haven't bothered you for three years are the things that haunt you the most when its time to go through them again.

I have also started experiencing leg cramps, now I'm a lucky person I have never broken a bone, dislocated anything, had stiches (except for my c-section scar) or even a bleeding nose (until my lovely daughter head butted me a few weeks ago) I had never had leg cramp either but yesterday when my husband arrived home from work, he woke me up, (I was having an afternoon nap) I moved my leg and got the most intense pain that wouldn't go away. The sharp pain left me screaming and it lasted at least five mins (no joke) the muscle in that leg is still sore now and I have been limping for almost a day because of it.
This morning when my husband woke me up, my other leg decided it would be fun to cramp. Luckily this one only lasted about 30 secs, didn't hurt anywhere near as much and my muscle is no longer sore. Maybe my husband should stop waking me up.

All and all I am coping but things are just starting to panic me a bit.

Small groups

2005-11-28T10:12:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday night at church, little green forms were passed out asking what about night services bring you closer to God. To my complete surprise I couldn't answer it.
I thought worship, but to me there is to many stops and starts and sometimes its not long enough, that I can never get into it. So I sat and thought for a while and I couldn't think of anything. This made me quite sad, so I folded the green piece of paper and took it home and thought about it for a couple of days.

I couldn't understand how I felt closer to God at my old church, when this church suits me better, and then it hit me. Small groups I did all my growing in my ladies cell group. It was a place I could be me. A place where woman older and younger than me could come as they were to worship God, build each other up, and give advice on issues such as babies.
What a wonderful time.

At Opawa I find the services more fulfilling than I ever did at my old church, but it has shown me no matter how good the preacher is, without the support of a small group, It can be harder to grow spiritually.

2005-11-18T16:20:00.000-08:00

It reminded me when I was writing my last post, that sometimes it is important to bow before God with your face to the floor on things that really matter to you.

When I had my first child I had a long hard labour (80 hours) which ended in me having a C-section. The thing I want most at the moment is to have a natural birth. If I have one more C-section then I have to have C-sections from now on.
I don't know why natural birth is so important to me, maybe its a sense of achievement or something that connects me to most other woman who have had children.

Something that means this much to me is worth going to God about.

In the old testament people had to approach God on their knees with their face to the ground because he is so holy.
These days because of Jesus we don't seem to do it as much, even though God is still as holy as he ever was.

I think that it is still important to show God reverence in that manner, some of the time

So I will be on my knees with my face to the floor in awe of my God that can make a thing that is small to others, but the biggest thing in the world to me, happen.

I know that if it is in God will, I will have a natural birth. But I also believe if I'm not prepared to put the effort in to prayer then why should God put the effort into me.

A story of encouragement

2005-11-15T16:40:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, a short time ago, there was a young couple who lived in a small flat.
One day they decided to look for a house of their own. So they wrote a list of everything they wanted in a house, sat down together and prayed over the list, that God would blessed them with the desires of there heart.

A week later they were looking on the internet and found a nice house in their price range. The next day they went to look at this house. It was perfect for the couple it everything on their list and more. The very next day the couple put an offer on the house.

A mortgage broker came over and went over the fine print. Now it was a waiting game. Two days later the mortgage broker came back and said their is no way in hell that the couple will ever get a mortgage. They were devastated. The young girl got on her knees with her face on the ground crying to God. The next day a friend of the family rung another mortgage broker and told them the young couples situation. He said not a problem.

In times of doubt in this two week period of waiting to see if they would get a mortgage, they had words of wisdom spoken to them such as "God is in control" and verses such as Joshua 1:5 'No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will never leave you nor forsake you'

At the end of the two weeks the mortgage broker came back and said you have a mortgage, the house is yours.

The thought that went through the young woman's head, other than praise God was It was said that there was no way in hell they would get a mortgage but hey our God is the God of heaven so beat that.

This is a true story, just to say in times of doubt, worries and trouble. Kneel before God with your face to the floor and if its in God's will he will back you up 1oo%

Praise God

Part 2

2005-11-06T14:00:00.000-08:00

I know that at Archer there was the trickle down effect.
It started from management which of course made the staff grumpy and in turn made the residents grumpy.
I did have 2 days where things went really well and on both of those days I had asked God to bind any thing that wasn't of him over the place, and those 2 days were really good, everyone seemed to be in a good mood.
My problem is I'm not so good in the mornings to remember to do this every time I went to work.

There was a lot of spiritual stuff going on there. Being pregnant and tied all the time. I didn't have the Energy to focus on asking God what the issues were and praying through them as well as doing my job.
That I do feel bad about but I just don't have the Energy at this point in time to be doing that sort of thing.

I know that in time God will place someone else there to do some spiritual warfare, or maybe after the baby is born he'll still use me. At this time I don't have the energy.

What happens when we get older

2005-11-03T13:02:00.000-08:00

I have work in rest homes for the passed 2 years. The first place I worked the residents were lovely and grateful for every thing you do for them. Some of the staff were a bit lazy and took advantage of me being such a hard worker, so I would have to 10 residents by myself while they would do 3. I loved that job, it was fulfilling and gave me a feeling of being useful.
I had to give the job up when I came became pregnant, because I was doing late shifts and pregnancy and morning sickness takes it's toll and I was unable to last the night without falling asleep. It was the hardest decision I had to make, but I was not coping and it was unfair to the residents.

So after a couple of weeks I was feeling a bit better and thought I would be able to do a short morning shift. I applied at a Christian rest home (I thought people would be more understanding).
At this home the residents were Christian and so were the staff, so here comes my confusion. The residents were the most demanding people I have ever met. Everything had to be a certain way and by a certain time, if you took to long to do something you got yelled at, if you did something a different way, you got criticised. I would have to say that the residents were horrible.

The staff.
Well if you thought the residents were bad, you should meet the staff. While you were working all you could here was "this wasn't done right, that wasn't done right, she's useless. Yes they were taking about me, and after you here that your useless a few times you start to believe it and your work starts to slip. The other thing was if you did something wrong, rather than telling you what you had done wrong, they just complained and moaned. How are you supposed to fix something when you don't know what you've done wrong.

After four months of working there. Throwing every morning I worked, pleading to my husband (in tears) to not make me go back there, I finally handed in my notice.

Yesterday I went back to my old job (where all the staff and residents are non-Christians)
And everyone was so nice to me. They helped me when I needed it, they taught me new things.
I finally felt as though I was good at my job again.

So is it a thing that all Christians are so prudish that when they get older they have tolerance for anyone or anything. Non-Christians who don't really live by any rules end up lovely and kind in there old age.

If this is true then how do we, as Christians change that?

Life

2005-11-01T20:44:00.000-08:00

Isnt it funny how when somthing happens to you, you seem to find that half the people you know are in the same situation.
Let me explain, I am 25 weeks pregnant with my second child. When I became pregnant there were only two other people I knew of that were also pregnant, now just about every Married female I know has a bump. I think the worst of all of this is that everybody elses bumps seem to be bigger than mine.

Minding my insecurity and back to my story, one of best friends who was my head bridesmaid, and yes guilty me I hadn't seen her in a year turns up at the supermarket looking rather large, looks at me with a smile on her face "oh I'm so full I just had a big lunch" I look back at her very enlarged belly and fat face with a confused stare and said "I think you might have a little bit more than just lunch in there"

Well yes that was the biggest shook of all but when I look around my church there are a few people who look like they have a bit more than lunch in there tummies as well.

I am also getting ph calls from other friends to say that they are pregnant. I am also sure that the amount of people pregnant at the moment will fill the roll of at two primary schools in five years time.

Now don't get me wrong it is great to have all these people sharing my experience, but my goodness it gets expensive when they all start poping out.