Reflection
Over the past two weeks I have been struggling with a lot of stuff. Looking back I was ready and excepted the woman in the bed to die, but I didn't count on the connection would be made again. What I mean is I had separated my Nana and this woman lying in the bed for a long time, but when she died the two were brought back together and all the memories and everything came flooding back, it was like losing her all over again.
So I was left with this huge range of emotions not knowing what to do with them or how to deal with them.
I felt as though I had a door close in my heart to God and everyone around me. I felt as though I needed a shoulder to cry on but there were none around that were my size, and there were people saying "well you must have known she was going to die" and that made me think is it wrong for me to cry.
I felt that I was hurting but I wasn't aloud to show it, "you have to be strong for your kids" don't let them see you upset"
This leads to my next question, why? why not let them see it. Is grieving a thing that is frowned upon in New Zealand?
This is the first person close to me that has died and I just don't know where to put myself, I feel lost.
Anyway on Sunday the sermonettes that were spoken were on Elizabeth and Mary. And the relationship of an older and younger woman, and even though the difference in age they both looked up to each other.
I was talking to someone after church and she said it was her dream that one day there will be an Elizabeth for every Mary in Opawa.
And is it that there are many other young woman crying out for an Elizabeth to share some of there them wisdom and encouragement with them.
And are there many experienced woman with the longing to share some of there wisdom and encouragement to Mary's.
Is there a need for a group/place where you can go and be real about yourself and not be judged or frowned upon but have a love and understanding that only a sister in Christ could give. Someone to sit with you when life is crashing down.
Thoughts to ponder and pray about.
So I was left with this huge range of emotions not knowing what to do with them or how to deal with them.
I felt as though I had a door close in my heart to God and everyone around me. I felt as though I needed a shoulder to cry on but there were none around that were my size, and there were people saying "well you must have known she was going to die" and that made me think is it wrong for me to cry.
I felt that I was hurting but I wasn't aloud to show it, "you have to be strong for your kids" don't let them see you upset"
This leads to my next question, why? why not let them see it. Is grieving a thing that is frowned upon in New Zealand?
This is the first person close to me that has died and I just don't know where to put myself, I feel lost.
Anyway on Sunday the sermonettes that were spoken were on Elizabeth and Mary. And the relationship of an older and younger woman, and even though the difference in age they both looked up to each other.
I was talking to someone after church and she said it was her dream that one day there will be an Elizabeth for every Mary in Opawa.
And is it that there are many other young woman crying out for an Elizabeth to share some of there them wisdom and encouragement with them.
And are there many experienced woman with the longing to share some of there wisdom and encouragement to Mary's.
Is there a need for a group/place where you can go and be real about yourself and not be judged or frowned upon but have a love and understanding that only a sister in Christ could give. Someone to sit with you when life is crashing down.
Thoughts to ponder and pray about.
posted by blessedchick @ 1:50 PM
1 Comments:
At 8:10 PM,
ElizabethB said…
You ask big questions. Sometimes I wish I wasn't called Elizabeth though the theory of it is wonderful. God hasn't finished with me yet either.
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