Sunday, January 08, 2006


Lately I have been feeling really distant from God. In that I have been struggling with low moods and just not coping with anything coming my way. I find that most days my husband is at work and I am left without a car, I seem to break down and feel trapped. The street we live in is nice but the streets surrounding it are not and I feel very uncomfortable walking in the area. There is miles to walk to the nearest bus stop, so I feel trapped in my house when I don't have the car.
When you are stuck at home with an energetic 3 year old it can drive even the calmest people mental. When Alyssa gets bored everything get pulled out and thrown on the floor, which adds to the house work.
I have made myself a roster to fully tidy just one room a day and what a lot of pressure that takes off. For me getting up in the morning and seeing the state of the house and thinking I have the whole house to clean strips me of all my motivation because the job is to big so nothing gets done. With doing one room a day that room gets a thorough clean (rather than just a tidy up) and I have all day to do it.

I don't really know why I feel so distant from God when He is still so obviously working in my life. I don't know if its because of where I'm at being so down a lot of the time or am I down a lot of the time because I am distant from God? Or is it that I haven't had a chance to use my gifts and talents in such a long time that I'm losing them and that is creating a barrier between us?

My mother is not a Christian and some of the things she says about and over Alyssa seem to have a lasting effect. I hadn't broken any word of curses off Alyssa for a while and she was becoming a real handful for anyone to look after, then it occurred to me to pray for her and since then she has been wonderful (yeah she still has her moments but what child doesn't) She has been a lot easier to look after and has even been a bit helpful at putting her toys away after she has finished playing with them.
See God is still working in my life in almost every aspect I just don't feel it like I used to I suppose.


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