Monday, March 20, 2006

Ladies Camp

I have just spent the last weekend at ladies camp (of course I took the baby with me)
The first session I open my notebook and realise I had a piece of paper with me from exactly 3 years ago this weekend from another ladies camp I had been on.
It was a word from God about a deep down sadness I have inside of me and how joy tries to come up from inside but I wont let it.
I realised I hadn't dealt with this I still am exactly the same as I was three years ago but I just think I have got better at hiding it.
The second session the speaker said happiness comes from within, no matter how "perfect" your life is, you know the perfect family, the perfect career, and a flash house or something to that effect won't make you happy.
I realised that all the things I had been chasing to make me happy, won't
I have to find the happiness within.
I then started to think about the next part of this word and I realised even more about myself.
I am afraid to let people love me, care for me or show affection to me. This includes my husband and God. I don't know why but I think its because if I let people love me I have to let them in (break down the wall, my defense mechanism) and this comes to a fear of rejection or being hurt.
So ladies camp was a real eye opener to what I have to deal with to let God in, I just have to stop being so scared to be loved and cared for. Now I know what I am dealing with it is much easier to work through.
I just want to thank all the people that made it possible for me to go to camp as I really needed it.


  • At 6:21 PM, Blogger godsgirl said…

    I used to be the same when it came to letting people in and to care for me. I hated the word 'process' and just wanted to change then and there, but it was hard. I learnt however that it IS a process and one that you have to work through with support at times. If you want to talk with me about it, you are most welcome. *HUGS*

  • At 3:45 AM, Blogger Rayd said…

    I understand the "fear of rejection and being hurt thing". Rejection never gets easier and even 'nice' rejections hurt a lot. It's so hard to let people in because you know they will stuff up, they're only human. I realised that I make just as many stuff ups as those people, probably more, but people learn to forgive and forget with me. You will get hurt, but you will always be better for it. hmmm... i think i had a point when i started this comment, only it's late and if i ever had one i've totally lost it. Sorry.

  • At 10:49 PM, Blogger amy said…

    I'm so glad you had a good time at camp, and God spoke to you over the weekend.

    It takes courage & guts to acknowledge that and decide to deal with it. You go girl ;)

    PS - glad you got your baby back to hold?

  • At 8:20 PM, Blogger If not for Christ said…

    It sounds like camp might be one of those defining moments in your life that you will look back on as a time of new and greater understanding of all that God is and wants you to be.

    I am so pleased you decided to come, it will be amazing for us women to watch and walk with you as you continue to allow yourself to be loved and cared for.


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